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Airplay Bribe Syndicate has two objectives. First, to write long, complex and self indulgently inaccessible progressive/alternative rock epics that are completely inappropriate for airplay on even the most obscure and ill-advised of radio stations. Secondly, to obtain blanket high-rotation on every radio station in the world by systematically bribing DJs, record executives, music journalists and other influential music industry hacks. There are currently two main obstacles preventing Airplay Bribe Syndicate from achieving its aims. First, as all of its songs are initially conceived on the Syndicate’s faithful Maton acoustic, the Syndicate tends to write short, simple and relatively accessible tracks that would be quite appropriate for airplay on a broad range of popular radio stations. Secondly, it has no money whatsoever with which to bribe anyone, having spent its remaining funds on a walnut ’71 Gibson SG Custom with gold-plated pickups and a velvet-lined carry case. A thing of