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Mum and Dad called me Paul Russell Cleeland. They're about the only ones that still do. Forrest, Ted, Base Camp, Hilfy, H-Train, Have all got a bit of a run too. But when I started high school I somehow got Humph. And all its various variations, Humphus, El Humpherino or the Humphenator, Are just a few of the combinations. It came around the same time as the gymnastics moonwalk, As to how it started that could be half a chance I used to say that it was because, I’m big and furry and I’ve got no pants. When your name is Paul you have to get a nickname like Nuts or Faullsy or Bow. I’m afraid that people call me Humphrey because I am the dumbest guy they know. Some people think I’m smart but I think its just I have a good memory, After I’ve had six beers though I usually don’t have any. The amount of times I’ve cried in my life is beginning to become quite tragic, My favourite T.V. Show is that informercial about the magic…bullet. I’ve never done any drugs or even had a cigarette,