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I was born in a ditch between two crossroads where the devil would meet to do his annual tax return and score with some sweet, soul sisters. I went without sex for seven years. Then I turned eight and shit got REALLY WEIRD! I got my first job in a recording studio at the age of fifteen and worked my way from ragged assistant and barista to programmer and producer. My first gig was producing a record for a death metal band called Bestial Warlust in the early nineties. Being the nineties it was harder not to do heroin than it was to do it and so, wanting desperately to be cool I discarded my last shred of dignity and dove headlong into the hellish nightmare that is known to all as the Murky-Jerky, Hercule turkey. Then it all got very hazy for about twenty years. Then, about three years ago, I woke up when I looked into the eyes of the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I vowed to one day marry that woman and I pursued her relentlessly... she doesn't talk to me anymore but the