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As we all know, without television, the Biggest Losers are just fat people. In very much the same way, without The Pirates, music is just an art of sound in time that expresses ideas and emotions in significant forms through the elements of rhythm, melody, harmony, and color. And really, who could be bothered with that? You may as well buy some bongos and a ski mask and become an up market chef or scientist. Formed as an alternative to mid-week training with the Murchison FC reserves (go the hoppers), this trio’s penchant for 2 ½ minute bursts of distorted bubblegum noise has earned them a rapidly growing following on the Melbourne live scene despite no official investigation by ASIO, Senator Bob Brown or the Victorian young Liberal party. It's a bit like Iggy and The Stooges playing scrabble with The Pixies and The Beastie Boys, while Mclusky is beating up The Kinks in the corner for making this sentence too long and The Strokes are calculating pi to 32E6 decimal places. Oh, and